Written by: Polarbert

The Hamptons

I’m currently sat on an express train headed towards a place called Amagansett; I still don’t know exactly how you’re meant to pronounce that.

Photo by czd72

Want to see your pictures on CTF? Join the CTF Flickr pool.

Written by Ecks Ridgehead

‘If you would like to see the survey results, press 1. If you would like to register your undiluted pleasure with BT’s service, press 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 or 0. If you would like to complain about BT, press 188726491719922441411980.’

>Presses 1<

‘You pressed 1. If you would like the survey results e-mailed to you, press 1. If you would like the survey results spoken to you by a disjointed, automated voice, please press 2.’

>Presses 1<

Written by: silver

Women all over Britain have been traumatised as temperatures in excess of 30 degrees forced them to abandon their unsuitable footwear in favour of more unsuitable footwear.

The vile furry boots, which were invented by Australians and deported to Britain in an attempt to make them go as far away as possible, have become a staple of the wardrobes of imitators of Z list celebrities, the unemployed and women who think tucking their jeans in makes their legs look thinner.

Written by: Ecks Ridgehead

Having recently read and loved Cormac McCarthy’s No Country For Old Men, I thought I would try his highly rated The Road. I just finished it, and I can say that all the praise that it has received is deserved…like a fox!

Written by: silver

The government have announced yet another ill-thought out, unworkable and costly initiative to bring back newly-impoverished orange families from Spain.

Every family which made the monumental fuck-up of buying a property at the height of the Spanish housing boom and deserting the UK like rats from a sinking ship for a life of wearing inappropriate clothing and refusing to integrate with the local community will be offered £1m to return to Britain and go on benefits.

Photo by Scott McCormack.

Want to see your pictures on CTF? Join the CTF Flickr pool.

Written by: Silver

It’s all about Iran at the moment as thousands demonstrate in protest at election results. Pointless brain-fart networking website Twitter will no doubt be in line for some kind of award for staying open at the request of the US government so that Iranians can inform the world that they’re having a nice cup of tea and might pop to the shops later. If only Twitter had been around for Iraq, the Bush administration may have found those WMDs a bit quicker.

By Mark Sheerin

Back to the forum

Written by: Polarbert

Fort Lauderdale

I’m currently sat in the hostel where I have another 5 nights left. You’ll find out why the ominous tone further down. It’s only been two days since I arrived here in Fort Lauderdale, but there have been so many interesting things happening that I thought it necessary to update the blog.

I arrived at 3.10pm on Sunday afternoon Eastern time after having an entire row of seats to myself due to the plane being more than half empty. I was kicking myself for not asking to sit in first class the whole time, but there you go, that’s hindsight for you.

Thanks to HappyGoLucky

Want to contribute to I spy? PM your photos to the CTF Editor or add them to the I spy thread.

The rules:

You must take the picture yourself
Something funny you spot
Something unusual or beautiful
Clever juxtapositions
Something that tells a story

Written by Polarbert

There are a lot of things to consider when going abroad for such a vast amount of time. It’s not your usual two week adventure that most consider. As it stands, my flight is at 10.35am on Sunday. At the same time just two days away I’m sat at home listening to music. I should probably be running around waving my arms all over the place panicking, but I just don’t feel the need. I’ve got my passport, money, and my flight and there doesn’t appear to be anything else essential. Obviously clothes would rank closely to those other items, but I’m not letting the fact that I haven’t packed deter me from listening to this music right now.

Written by: Rod Rammage

If history, or ‘the study of the past’ if you will, has taught us anything (and maybe it hasn’t not), then it has taught us something. In particular of and pertaining to the so-called ‘economy’.

Invented in the 17th century by Earl Stephen Economy, this system has been the economic system of which we have known, and we have also been its lover. Sometimes it has forced us, and we told our sister.

The economy has been typicalised by what economonomists call ‘peaks’ and ‘troughs’. Peaks are like mountains, hills and your wife’s. Troughs are massive buckets what pigs eat out of.

Photo by Bluebus.

Want to see your pictures on CTF? Join the CTF Flickr pool.

Written by: silver

In a last-ditch attempt to ensure the total fucking up of London’s tube system, the RMT have demanded Elvis in return for cancelling planned strikes.

LUL managers started to suspect the union wanted to strike last week when the RMT sniffily announced to the press that they were perfectly willing to talk but were being ignored by the filthy capitalist pigs.

‘We’ve tried everything from memos in comic sans to demanding reinstatement of all sacked members ever, but the bastards have caved in to our every whim,’ said Bob Crow yesterday from his mansion paid for by the sweat of the workers. ‘Elvis was the only thing left to ask for.’

Written by: silver

Petrolhead heaven starts this week at Canary Wharf with the 15th annual Motorexpo.

There wasn’t much sign that we’re in an economic downturn today with acres of shiny metal and bhp sprinkled around the various plazas and green spaces in Canary Wharf.

Written by: NorthanMonkee

This has been a huge week in the world of sport, history has been made on more than one occasion and there have been many reasons to celebrate - but TWIS will start its look at the week with the opening of the World Twenty20.

Cricket

The second World Twenty20 tournament started last Friday with the hosts, England, taking on relative minnows Netherlands. England had gone into this tournament with a lot of hope and a lot of self belief - which seems to follow every England sporting team into any major tournament - rightly or wrongly. But here England were, hosting the 2nd ever World Twenty20 and facing Netherlands as the tournaments curtain-raiser. The script however was written by a Dutchman and what an enthralling script it was.

Photo by Kermit.

Want to see your pictures on CTF? Join the CTF Flickr pool.

Written by: silver

Polling stations across the UK are buckling under the strain of self-righteous indignation as the non-apathetic seize the opportunity to stick one to the politicians in the wake of the expenses scandal.

According to the BBC, the mysterious ‘they’ have made wild predictions about voter turnout based on not very much actual information at all while some voters appeared unable to unfold ballot papers effectively, which doesn’t fill one with confidence. And it doesn’t end there. Voters who manage to both turn up and not be too confused by a folded ballot paper have got an unprecedented choice of fringe parties to throw their protest votes at.

Written by: Ecks Ridgehead

It is a hugely impressive book, muscular and ambitious, written by a novelist at the peak of his powers, and it is a testament to its scope that I am not really sure how to start in reviewing it.

Perhaps the best thing would be to give a brief outline of the plot, such as it is…