Written by: silver

FIA boss Bernie Ecclestone has approached the government for an emergency rescue package after his wife filed for divorce.

Roll up, roll up! Everyone must be able to write a better limerick than this, which is why I’m only the judge.

The Editor of Chew The Fat

Devised a challenge which she thought that

Would sort the men from the boys

Stop the throwing of toys

And rhyme the word ‘that’ with ‘tw… ‘cat’

When not composing amusing poetry, our members are creating their own supergroups and defining the very epitome of the stylish mofo. Nuclear bunkers appear to be a recurring theme, though this time they’re concerning themselves with furnishing it instead of sexing it up. We’ll refrain from mentioning a certain member’s ill-advised photographic session. Ooops.

Written by: silver

A member of the British National Party has been exposed as a traffic warden in a list leaked to the press on Monday.

‘I never minded anyone knowing I was a bigoted oik, but I am devastated that my kids have found out I’m a traffic warden,’ said Fred ‘Adolf’ Jones as he dodged burning tyres in Deptford, South London. ‘The only thing worse in their eyes would have been if I’d been a mobile speed camera operator.’

Written by: silver

Bernie Ecclestone has plumbed new depths of Formula 1 madness with a proposal to replace the current points system used to decide the winners of championships with a system of gold, silver and bronze stars.

Written by: silver

Contestants in the new series of ‘I’m Not Even A Celebrity But I Want To Be One!’ were shocked and angry to discover there are insects in the jungle.

Written by: silver

Despite the nation’s hard-won reputation for being drunken louts, the British are no drunker than anyone expected them to be.

After years of pleading with the nation to be more like the French and spend all day drinking wine in cafés, the government has decided other countries’ drink problems are just as bad as ours.

Forced to Complain

In the interests of providing the CTF readership with a fully-rounded view of the internet, we bring you a blog written by our very own thebluebus.

He’s not been very prolific on his blog recently, has Blubes. But then that could be because he’s been racking up posts on the forums like a thing demented, his post count only being exceeded by that of the owner himself.

Written by: silver

The new commissioner of the Metropolitan police will be a large dog, an unnamed source claimed today.

The breed of the dog is not yet known, but it is alleged that it could be a spaniel whose previous duties included sniffing illegal immigrants and drugs at Heathrow. Competition for the position has been fierce, as women and representatives from various ethnic groups fought to demonstrate how politically-correct they could be.

Mayor of London Boris Johnson has declared a war on holes in the capital’s roads in his Way to Go! masterplan.

After a small break when only one person cared enough about us to write, we now have a full complement of mentals putting pen to paper again to share the contents of their fevered brains with us.

Written by: silver

The world was dramatically saved today when the Bank of England cut the base rate by an unprecedented 1.5% to 3%.

Written by: silver

Barack Obama has been elected president of the United States of America in an historic election race.

The Democratic senator is the fourth black man to be elected president after Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact, David Palmer in 24 and Jimmy Smits in the West Wing.

This month’s photo competition is underway in Shutterbugs with the theme ‘industrial landscapes’.

Visit the Photography forum and post your entries!

There were some very striking entries for the October photo competition’s theme of ‘Night’.

The winner is Arblist, with this fantastic shot:

 Runners up are whyohwhy and Dick Spanner with these shots:

Council officials blunder with Welsh road sign

Jonathan Ross steps down from presenting comedy award after 17 years

Giant bat found in Tanzania

Good looking dad? Sons don’t inherit looks  

Vulture attacks tourist.

CTF’s inner neologists strike again in Random with inventing new meanings for those dusty old words you find at the back of the cupboard.  The YouVid Challenge is still going strong, with the stunning Gnome video and the rubber duck bathroom showdown being strong contenders. We also have an exciting new caption competition.

Written by: silver

The entire BBC is to be banned over the now-infamous Brand phone prank, it was revealed today.

The big switch-off for the BBC will happen sometime in November after 27,000 people living in the district of Outraged, Tunbridge Wells complained despite not having heard the broadcast.

Don’t forget it’s Flame and Thunder at Santa Pod this weekend. Tickets available on the gate at £20 each and you can come and see CTF’s very own Top Fuel Digger on the drag strip.

We also have a party afterwards so you can get drunk with your fellow CTFers.

Written by: silver (with a bit of help from Gizmo)

Prince Harry is to train as a helicopter pilot after his on-off girlfriend Chelsy Davy told him that she was fed up with being taken for granted.