An independent research body has today identified the main cause of congestion on Britain’s roads.

The think-tank Pubis today published research which reveals that most motorists cite “getting from A to B” as their primary reason for driving. Indeed, a straw poll in the CTF office showed that a staggering 80% of people would “probably not use a straw at all, certainly not for hot drinks”, but when we discussed car ownership all of us agreed that at some point in our lives we had used a car to “get from A to B”.

In a shock move Channel 4 bosses anounced late last night that the current Big Brother contestants, who have generally failed to amuse the nation, would not be released back into society at the end of the show’s run, but would instead be “not allowed to leave at all.”

SPECIAL EXTENDED REPORT

Last night mediocre financial advisor Doug Littlejohn was in hiding after apparently causing the total collapse of the global economy - the result of his purchasing thousands of .com shares in an investing frenzy that has left family, colleagues, and the entire international banking system bewildered and angry.

It’s not just people that suffer from altitude sickness, cars do too, and this was one of the reasons that several manufacturers and tuners in South Africa went looking for more power.

At almost two kilometres above sea level the power loss can be up to 17% on naturally aspirated motors and about 3% on force fed engines. And as this is the location of the largest employer in the country, the mining industry, this is where the money is.

Yesterday saw the opening rounds of the International Dangerous Sporting Grand Prix with twelve competitors suffering what were described as “Non-terminal terrain interactions” after a series of rad moves on a variety of wheeled apparatus.

Enemies Reunited, launched only three weeks ago following the success of Friends Reunited and Classmates.com, has been temporarily suspended after it was linked to numerous outbreaks of appalling violence across the US and Europe.

Mandy Howard, co-founder of the new site, stated that she envisioned the site as “a forum where  differences could be left behind, and old adversaries could be reconciled.” However, Miss Howard has been accused of “incredible naivety” by leading law-makers on both sides of the Atlantic.

Christopher Jennings, a first year undergraduate in Physics and Media at the University of Hull, has written a three thousand word essay that promises to turn all the precepts of modern science on their heads.

Passengers David and Liz Harwood last night lashed out in a furious tirade that sent airline caterers reeling.

The couple, returning from a fortnight on the Costa Del Sol revealed how their entire holiday had been ruined by “atrocious unfairness and the poor quality” of the in-flight meals.

The World Health Organisation last night issued a stark warning, “Stop buying fictitious formula beauty products or die.”

Figures released yesterday by the Government confirm that the number of asylum seekers applying for permission to stay in the UK has reached an all time low of absolutely none. However, critics of the Government’s immigration policy have been quick to point out that this may be a result of the home office repealing the requirement that seekers apply for permission rather than just stay regardless.

Chew-The-Fat.com has a new home!

This evening the database was backed up and moved onto a new dual dual-core powered server. In the process of doing this, we have upgraded the existing forum software (with better spam protection and advanced features) and threw a new frontend on the site. So here we are, this is just the beginning, stay tuned for further developments.