In the face of the worsening economic climate the Governor of the Bank of England, Mervyn King, was forced to admit today that the low base rate of the United Kingdom has been driven not by a sound financial policy, but rather by a fear of written English.
A report to be released tomorrow by the World Wide Web Commission Of Monitoring (http://WWW.COM) will explain how the arrival of CTF has thrown the entire net into confusion.
UK consumers have been warned by British Gas and the five other major suppliers, most of which you will not have heard of as they are owned by the French, that they expect their profits to rise dramatically over the coming months.
A shock announcement was made today that the Labour government has been stolen after being left on a train. The loss has come after a series of high-profile cases where sensitive information has been left in a variety of public places, such as park benches, pubs and Greek Tony’s Cafe in Catford.
My dad always told me “Son, pick your battles wisely”. It’s a mantra
I’ve followed and whether this was kicking the school bully in the
shins whilst his mates weren’t around or folding your pocket kings
when an ace hits the river, knowing when to make a move and when to
back away has served me well.
In defiance of recent criticism that many of the UK’s hospitals are failing to meet basic hygiene guidelines, the Government has issued a statement comparing healthcare today with that of two hundred years ago.
After a review of disbursements in the budget, a senior public official has admitted a huge oversight in the departmental disbursements over the past six years. Think tanks have been deployed routinely in assualt situations, and they have found utility in everything from designing a nappy that blends with skin tone so as not to offend neurotic children (£30million), to the conception of elegant themed coasters to carry wheat grass solutions by air to The Minister for the Environment (£490 billion).
The British public has fallen out of love with newly-minted motor-racing legend Lewis Hamilton, it was reported today in The Daily Scum.
The British public has fallen out of love with newly-minted motor-racing legend Lewis Hamilton, it was reported today in The Daily Scum.
Terence Nipple has got a lot to be upset about. Whilst out getting his groceries at Ocset Stores in New Cross last Thursday, he was accosted by a tirade of pleasant light open questions and greetings from Kyleen, the checkout girl at the Pay-as-you-Buy checkout.
The House of Commons was again thrown into turmoil last night when it was revealed that the Independent Commission into Honesty and Integrity (ICHI) has compiled a list of MP’s abuses of their expenses and allowances. In recent weeks there have been revelations of all kinds of shady shenanigans, including one MP who paid his sons for “research work” through university, another who paid for a nanny – which is a posh au-pair – apparently for answering a phone call once or twice, and yet another who had funnelled three quarters of a million pounds into his wife and daughter. Literally.
A row emerged last night over the case of Abdul Dave, a commodities broker from Wigan, who has filed a suit against the government for ‘failure to disclose the life-enhancing qualities of recreational substances.
‘Good Morning’.
Mick Mossley, has survived a vote of “no confidence” from over three hundred of Motor Sport’s most influential member organisations. The boss of Formula Uno, the international racing conglomerate that grew from the racing of small Italian Hatchbacks in the 1980’s, was accused of hiring prostitutes and taking part in orgies where participants were dressed as Storm Troopers.
