Archive for September, 2008
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
A report by The Campaign to End Child Poverty claims that as many as 5.5 million children are living in poverty in the UK.
Birmingham Ladywood came top of the polls with 81% of children either living in poverty or in very low income families. The Campaign defines poverty as living on under £10 per person per day.
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Monday, September 29th, 2008
Global markets fell on Monday night as the $700bn deal to bring stability to the financial markets was rejected by US Congress.
Voting on the deal was split 228 against 205 for, the majority of whom were from the Democrat party. Stocks tumbled following the news, with the Dow Jones down 700 points at close.
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Monday, September 29th, 2008
Bradford & Bingley was nationalised by the government on Monday after weekend talks failed to find an outright buyer.
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Friday, September 26th, 2008
Deep in the suburbs of the English Garden county of Kent is home to a creature that could unlock the link between humans and hummingbirds that has eluded scientists since the dawn of time.Cottyus Kartus is a shy retiring vertebrate that has been on these shores for more than 30 years and has only recently become the object of closer observation by biologists at Kings’ College, London. Cottyus is unique in not just it’s dietary requirements but also in it’s mating ritual which is only now being fully understood.
To understand Cottyus further, a specimen has been under observation now for the last 6 months and the first papers have finally been made public.
Cottyus lives a largely solitary life, working hard throughout daylight hours processing and assimilating precious metal claims and generating an income for its complex and ritualistic lifestyle that comes alive after the day to day necessities have been completed. Only then does this strange and almost mystic being, transform into a beautiful and social animal the likes of which are unparalleled in nature.
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Friday, September 26th, 2008
After winning the Carlos Tevez tribunal, it has emerged that Sheffield United may seek compensation from West Ham.
In a shock move, the club is claiming £30 for the relegation fiasco that rocked the football world to its very core.
‘£30 will be just about enough to get us a new goalkeeper,’ said manager, Kevin Blackwell after the catastrophic loss 6-0 against Arsenal.
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Friday, September 26th, 2008
We have a new Front Page section in the forum where we can advertise for people to write articles for CTF and give feedback on the upgraded front page. This will also be used as a general noticeboard for CTF editorial business.
Posted in Forum business | No Comments »
Friday, September 26th, 2008
Last week’s challenge was to invent a word which described the neologisms currently being coined by the media for the credit crunch.
Amid the beautifully-executed pedant-off between a couple of members, we had a few fine entries, many of which defied pronounciation. Gizmo deserves a special mention for ‘floptimism’ (the notion of Guardian readers rejoicing at economic slowdown), even if he did misunderstand the requirement.
Posted in Forum business | No Comments »
Friday, September 26th, 2008
Sheffield United suffered yet another crushing defeat, this time at the hands of Arsenal. The Blades lost 6-0 on Tuesday as Arsenal’s youngest players gave them a humiliating lesson in football. ‘We knew they were a good set of lads at Arsenal, but nobody knew how good they were,’ said manager Kevin Blackwell ruefully.
Give Gorvid some grief here.
Permanent link to this post (61 words, 1 image, estimated 15 secs reading time)
Posted in Sport | 1 Comment »
Friday, September 26th, 2008
Lewis Hamilton will not be reinstated as the winner of the Belgian Grand Prix, a court decided on Tuesday. ‘Article 152 of the International Sporting Code states that drive-through penalties are not susceptible to appeal,’ the FIA stated, conveniently ignoring the verdict for Vitantonio Liuzzi for Torro Rosso in Japan. Hamilton was demoted after stewards ruled that he had gained an advantage by cutting a chicane. Ferrari have uncharacteristically declined to comment on the verdict.
Posted in Motoring, News, Sport | No Comments »
Friday, September 26th, 2008
The inquest into the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes opened on Monday. The Brazilian electrician was shot by police in July 2005 after being mistaken for a terrorist at Stockwell tube station. The jury has so far heard that there was confusion around whether Menezes had been positively identified. The jury will have to determine whether or not the killing was unlawful, a verdict which could lead to calls for Metropolitan Police commissioner Ian Blair to step down. In May, eleven officers were told they would not face disciplinary action.
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Friday, September 26th, 2008
‘A real man wants two things: danger and play. Therefore he wants woman as the most dangerous plaything.’ Friedrich Nietzsche.
Philosophy is exquisite. But it doesn’t really prepare you for seeing a grown man cry because of a 19 stone woman with face like a chimney stack.
Posted in Satire | No Comments »
Friday, September 26th, 2008
Gordon Brown will today use his Labour Party conference speech to announce dynamic, far-reaching plans to shore up confidence in Britain’s beleaguered financial sector. This support will be provided by means of vouchers of between £100 and £700. These vouchers will be given to the parents of the country’s most deprived children, enabling them to purchase items previously unknown to them called ‘computers’.
Posted in Satire | No Comments »
Friday, September 26th, 2008
In the wake of last week’s global banking crisis, Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs have sought help from the US Federal Reserve. The deal means the last two big US investment banks will now have access to central bank funds in return for tighter regulation. Nomura Holdings have put in a bid for Lehman’s Asian and European operations after it collapsed last week.
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Friday, September 26th, 2008
Presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain met with George Bush on Wednesday to discuss a $700bn rescue plan for the economy. The bail-out aims to stabilise financial markets by buying out distressed assets from Wall Street banks which will remove illiquid mortgage assets. Critics have voiced concerns that it will not end the credit crunch and the risk to the taxpayer is too great. Prime Minister Gordon Brown piped up on Thursday to urge Congress to approve the plan.
Permanent link to this post (81 words, 1 image, estimated 19 secs reading time)
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Friday, September 26th, 2008
A student shot dead 10 classmates on Tuesday before killing himself. Matti Saari was a student at a vocational school in western Finland and had been questioned by police just days earlier over a YouTube video showing him at a shooting range. This is the second school shooting in Finland in less than a year, leading to calls for the laws around handgun ownership to be reviewed.
Permanent link to this post (68 words, 1 image, estimated 16 secs reading time)
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Friday, September 26th, 2008
A bomb explosion at Islamabad’s Marriott Hotel killed 52 people on Sunday. A lorry containing a tonne of explosives was rammed into the front gate of the hotel in a suicide attack at the five-star hotel, which is in a high security zone. At yet, no group has claimed responsibility but the militant group, Tehrik-e Taleban are suspected of involvement. The campaign of violence began when ex-president, Pervez Musharraf, sided with the US against the Taliban after the September 11th 2001 attacks.
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Friday, September 19th, 2008

It’s certainly been an interesting week in the financial industry.
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Friday, September 19th, 2008
The media have been frantically coining pithy new terms to accompany the credit crunch. Now it’s CTF’s turn.
This week, we’d like you to invent a word to describe the words neologised for the financial crisis. Off you go.
Winner gets their name on the front page and a prize.
Enter here
Permanent link to this post (53 words, estimated 13 secs reading time)
Posted in Forum business | No Comments »
Friday, September 19th, 2008
The FIA have announced today that they will be publishing a new Formula 1 rule book – but only in Italian.
The surprise move was unveiled yesterday at a press conference following the B
elgian Grand Prix, in which Lewis Hamilton was penalised for overtaking the Ferrari driven by Kimi Raikkonen. ‘Allowing other teams to know the rules gives an unfair advantage,’ said Max Mosley as he tried to sit down after a particularly lively thrashing. He went on to deny that the F in FIA stands for Ferrari.
Tags: Belgium Grand Prix, Ferrari, FIA, Massa, McLaren, Valencia
Posted in Motoring, Sport | No Comments »
Friday, September 19th, 2008
Global markets have taken a downturn after the collapse of Lehman Brothers investment bank at the weekend.
Tags: Lehman collapse
Posted in News | No Comments »