‘Mandelson ‘arsed me’, claims Osborne
Written by: AlexKP
Possibly dodgy George Osborne, Shadow Chancellor, issued a letter of explanation last night designed to show that he had not, in any one of five meetings with Igor Cashisarich on board his luxury mega-yacht, mentioned money at all.
‘Even though I am pitching to become the next chancellor, and will therefore control all the UK’s money (or debt if you prefer), and I was on board the personal cruise liner of the richest man in Russia, at no point did the subject of money come up. In fact we didn’t discuss money, of any kind, at all. We actually spent all five meetings talking about the weather, about football, girls, what we wanted for Christmas and our favourite music from the 1980’s. At no point did Igor tuck fifty grand into my shirt pocket and say in a low voice, ‘This is for you and your friends. I no like your Prime Minister Gordon, he not a friend to me or my country. I will call on you when I need.’
In a Radio Four interview, Ancient Conservative Non-Prime Minister Michael Heseltine was quick to jump to Osborne’s defence. ‘What George does on holiday is up to him. If he wants to go on board a yacht and play deck tennis he is perfectly entitled to. And anyway, I’ve seen a photo of this yacht and it’s really not all that.’ Said the billionaire publisher and ex-Tory cabinet minister for integrity.
It was put to George Osborne that although Peter Mandelson, never far away from outright corruption charges himself, had also been aboard the yacht, the focus appeared to be entirely upon the hapless shadow debt manager, ‘Yes! Mandelson has absolutely shafted me on this!’ Fumed soon to be ex-shadow chancellor, ‘He has bent me over the gang plank and given me a total arseing.’
Less than an hour later Osborne’s office issued a further statement to clarify that the ‘arseing’ was metaphorical, and not literal.
