“Stop Wasting Food Now”, says Prescott
Britain is wasting far too much food, according to Minister for Pies, Whipputs and t’North John Prescott.
Semi-legendary fat bastard and alleged secretary shagger Prescott deplored the misuse of perfectly good provender. “If you aren’t going to eat it, don’t buy it. Buying food and then not eating it, that’s just not right you know. That could go to someone what needs it. Me, for instance. I’m terrible hungry. Have you got a chocolate bar on you, or maybe a cake? I ‘aven’t eaten nothing since ‘alf an hour ago.”
“When I were a lad we din’t ‘ave no food, we ‘ad to get by with a lick of a lump of coal a week. And that was in summer! In winter we ‘ad to walk forty mile in’t snow to go and lick a stone wall. Kids these days don’t know they’re born” he continued.
The former Deputy Prime Minister rubbished suggestions that he only wanted to scoff everyone else’s food so he could throw it back up again later. “I only said that crap so I could sell me book. Look at me. Do you honestly think I’d waste food myself by chucking it down the toilet? Now look, if you’ve not got a full four-course roast dinner on you I’m going to have to go: I’m starving ‘ere.”
Professor S. Tuddese then presented a report showing that finishing everything on your plate will not necessarily make you a fat fcuker and contribute to the obesity epidemic. “It does of course depend on whether you’re Scottish. Deep fried vegetables do not count towards your five a day”.
