Passengers David and Liz Harwood last night lashed out in a furious tirade that sent airline caterers reeling.

The couple, returning from a fortnight on the Costa Del Sol revealed how their entire holiday had been ruined by “atrocious unfairness and the poor quality” of the in-flight meals.

“We arrived at Gatwick, both of us looking forward to a relaxing two weeks in the sun, and particularly the flight across, as we both enjoy flying. Instead we had to endure an hour and forty five minutes of pure hell,” said Mr Harwood from his Bedford home last night. “We had got the holiday on a late deal, so the cost was competitive, but nothing excuses the degrading and distressing treatment we received at the hands of the airline.”

Approximately half an hour into the flight the couple were offered a soft drink by so called air-hostesses, which they received with thanks, “although it was one of those small cans and you really need at least two of them each.” Less than twenty minutes later the main meal arrived and it was then that the holidaymakers realised that something was seriously amiss.

“It was not a hot meal,” explained Mrs Harwood, “it was some kind of ‘ploughman’s lunch’ with a ridiculously small roll and a compact piece of processed cheese. I looked at David and I could see the disappointment in his eyes, I held his hand and said, ‘Oh no, this really won’t do will it darling?’” The couple then began to explore the contents of their respective trays with growing disbelief. “In addition to the aforementioned items I found a single slice of ham, a small pile of coleslaw, a miniature scotch egg, two pickled onions, some crackers and a stick of celery. There was also a strange pot of some indeterminate fruit juice and what appeared to be a miniature blueberry muffin,” explained David. “I felt hugely disappointed as I had been looking forward to something much more substantial like a microwaved steak and mash with onion gravy, or one of those all day breakfasts with scrambled eggs they do.”

The hapless couple looked around to see fellow passengers tucking into their meals, all except one man who grinned at then, glanced at his tray and feigned a grimace. “We could tell he was as devastated as we were,” said Liz. “I called for the hostess and asked if there was anything else. I was offered a vegetarian alternative. I could hardly speak I was so upset.”

The couple chose not to say anything at the time, but spent what they describe as a miserable two weeks in Alicante, “Our hearts just weren’t in it, it was difficult to have fun after such a terrible start to the holiday.” But it was after experiencing a similar standard of catering on the return flight that the husband and wife felt compelled to hit out at indifferent airline managers who had ruined their two weeks of happiness.

In a statement issued through solicitors last night, the airline in question, budget carrier GoCheap, claimed that it rarely had complaints over food as passengers realised they were getting a low cost flight rather than paying for a premium service, and that the standard of their meals was high in their market sector, and used quality ingredients. One senior airline official stated off the record that, “The Harwood’s got their entire holiday for less than three hundred quid including flights and accommodation. The miserable bastards are damned lucky they got any in flight meals at all at that price.”

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 20th, 2008 at 3:44 pm and is filed under Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.