British public ‘no drunker than expected’
Written by: silver
Despite the nation’s hard-won reputation for being drunken louts, the British are no drunker than anyone expected them to be.
After years of pleading with the nation to be more like the French and spend all day drinking wine in cafés, the government has decided other countries’ drink problems are just as bad as ours.
‘The only difference between the British and the French is that they get pissed wearing berets and looking impossibly chic in a Parisian café whereas we do it in chain pubs wearing skirts up to our knickers and flashing deelyboppers,’ said a spokesman from the Ministry of Larging It as he downed a pint of Snakebite and black.
News editors across the country were thrilled to be able to print pictures of something other than houses, falling graphs and traders clutching their heads while staring aghast at the FTSE dropping and revelled in pictures of young people being sick in gutters. The Daily Mail re-opened its picture library of girls passed out on park benches to illustrate that they haven’t failed to notice Women Are Still Having Too Much Fun.
CTF tried to ask a member of the public for his opinion, but the man flailed his arms wildly, challenged us to a fight and eventually turned out to be Danish.
