On a recent flight I was settling down with a fairly reasonable sauvignon blanc and perusing the menu when I noticed something at the bottom of the page that was either new or I had always previously ignored.

‘We attempt to obtain all food from local sources’.

Odd I thought. Quick check out of the window revealed that we were still some distance above the clouds. A further check of the in flight entertainment system confirmed that we were indeed some 30,000 plus feet over the eastern Atlantic. So where exactly was local? It required a further glass of wine before the solution to this problem became clear. Suddenly the term ‘cattle class’ took on a much more potent aspect.

Some may be put off by the thought of eating economy fare passengers, but a good travel writer should always be open to new ideas and particularly new foods. I did at first ponder which of the passengers it could have been (well you wouldn’t want some tough old American granny would you?). However having noticed that the menu included cheese it quickly became clear that they were taking advantage of the fact that it was a popular destination for young families, and that the mother chosen was still suckling. Excellent. Not only was the chavette’s milk cheese wonderfully fragrant (a rare cheesy combination of fish roe and vodka) but I was finally able to bear witness to how extraordinarily succulent is the flesh of human babies.

I know some prudes will disapprove of such radical thinking on the part of this airline but I applaud them, not only was the food excellent, it was self-funding, ecologically sound in that it reduced fuel bills, and reduced over-crowding. A win all round then. Well, a win for anyone important anyway.

So, I do recommend the new menus in the front part of the flight, but if you can only afford to sit at the back, it’s probably best if you sleep in shifts.

Happy flying.

 

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This entry was posted on Friday, October 31st, 2008 at 9:22 am and is filed under Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.