Written by: silver

 

The Cutty Sark was completely destroyed by a hoover, it emerged last night.

 

The hoover, an industrial-grade model VACU-S34X, was left switched on by a cleaner who was moonlighting as a minicab driver in Southwark.  ‘I was late for my driving shift,’ complained Vladimir Szechoverskovatermaska. ‘So I left the hoover on, thinking it would finish the job while I was away.’

 

Unfortunately, the hoover’s autopilot microchip failed and the hoover merely vibrated insanely for a day and a half before the ship’s cabin was sucked into its bag, closely followed by the decks and fittings.  The hull was swallowed in the early hours of the third morning after a herculanean effort on the part of the VACU-S34X. 

 

The hoover is still sucking hard, leading to fears about the lowering water level in the Thames. The government are putting together an emergency rescue package to try and prevent the disappearance of the entire riverside.  Several joggers and buskers from the immediate vicinity have already been reported missing. ‘We urge the public not to approach the hoover,’ said a spokesman from the newly-formed Campaign Against Sucking. ‘Though several people have expressed relief that the busker’s gone.’

 

Vacuum inventor, James Dyson, is reported to be in talks with the government.

 

Visit the forums to discuss.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 1st, 2008 at 8:19 am and is filed under Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.