Yesterday saw the opening rounds of the International Dangerous Sporting Grand Prix with twelve competitors suffering what were described as “Non-terminal terrain interactions” after a series of rad moves on a variety of wheeled apparatus.

Dwight Mackenzie, three times world tea-tray vertical mountain surfer champion, spoke bravely from his hospital bed in Vermont after a three thousand foot death plummet involving multiple rock/body/head interactions. “Like man, that was def. I caught some air, and then like, dude, it was trippy.” Mackenzie vowed to be back in action the following day for the Base-Jump Roulette opening round.

The popular base-jump event has this year been further enhanced by the additional thrill of competitors picking a parachute back-pack knowing that one in ten are defective. This added dimension of a ten percent chance of certain death has drawn widespread appreciation amongst the Extreme Sports Fraternity. Mikey Jackson, current life president of the Extreme Sports governing body had these words, “I know all thirty four of my predecessors, in the five years since our organisation was founded, would approve of this innovative approach that has saved the sport of base-jumping from becoming tired and non-radical.”

However, spirits were somewhat subdued when Mr. Jackson confirmed that Ike (Dirt Bike) Doonicky would not be competing in the Moto X Time Bomb final, where riders must complete a fourteen mile extreme terrain course against the clock, with a time bomb strapped to the petrol tank between their legs, due to a slight cold and itchy cough.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 22nd, 2008 at 2:47 pm and is filed under Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.