Government stolen after being left on train
A shock announcement was made today that the Labour government has been stolen after being left on a train. The loss has come after a series of high-profile cases where sensitive information has been left in a variety of public places, such as park benches, pubs and Greek Tony’s Cafe in Catford.
The government was on a train to Greater Shagging, where they planned to hold an emergency summit on the growing economic crisis in the UK. A red-faced civil servant admitted he fell asleep after consuming three cans of Stella Artois from the buffet car and inadvertently forgot to pick up the government when he reached his stop.
‘We’ve tried calling the Lost Property office, but all they’ve got is a set of false teeth and 14,000 umbrellas,’ fretted a spokesbot for the missing government. ‘We’re not sure what to do.’
An appeal has been launched by MI5 for the safe return of the government and CCTV footage is being closely monitored for clues as to the identity of the thief. ‘If any member of the public finds the government lying around somewhere, we would urge them not to look in the government’s pockets,’ said Harry J Spook, Head of MI5. ‘It’s lucky that Tony ignored the civil liberties brigade and stuck those cameras everywhere.’
When asked who would run the country until the government is found, Spook stated that Coleen Rooney was being considered as a figurehead who would act with the backing of a special committee formed by MI5, MI6, Special Branch, GCHQ and Army Intelligence.
