Top Fuel Digger’s operation - the shocking truth
Written by: Top Fuel Digger
Following our recent item revealing how CTF member Top Fuel Digger, had a deep and hidden past, we can exclusively reveal the transcript of the interview with the surgeon in a backstreet Switzerland based clinic, where the series of cosmetic operations took place.
CTF: How did the operation come about? Were you approached by TFD directly?
Dr. Hansfrogmullerbacher: Yes, initially Mr. Digger approached me enquiring about cosmetic surgery as he’d started to receive death threats over the internet, namely with photoshopped images of my client being hung. Obviously I wanted to help, but this was the first time I’d agree to a human/frog hybrid corrective procedure. It was partially a safety thing, as he was fearing for his own life, and partly because he’d grown tired of being frowned upon for looking like a demented frog wanting to be accepted as a petrolhead.
CTF: Were there significant risks involved in the operation?
Dr. Hansfrogmullerbacher: Yes, several, for one, frogs wont sit still very long, meaning the surgery took twice as long. There were numerous clinical errors which we had to correct along the way. From day 1 of the surgery we knew this would be difficult. Mr. Digger had already stated he didn’t want to go under for the operation, to which we advised he should, due to the pain he’d have to endure during the skin alteration procedure. The result of this was Mr. Digger somehow swapped the anaesthetic formula for a chilled dose of Red Bull. It took 3 hours to knock the client out, by way of a mallet across his forehead.
CTF: After that, did the procedure go well, or were there more moments where you feared it wouldn’t work out very well?
Dr. Hansfrogmullerbacher: On the whole it was a success, given that this was pioneering surgery. Nobody had ever stretched a 3ft 7” frog into the shape of a 5ft 11” human, but with the aid of titanium pins and Screwfix fasteners, and a fair amount of gaffa tape, we were happy with the success of the procedure.
CTF: Has TFD been in touch following the operation to let you know how he’s coping with his new outlook on life?
Dr. Hansfrogmullerbacher: Not at all, he left, without paying (bear in mind he couldn’t walk at the time, so he stole one of our modified Sinclair C5’s which was being developed for the SAS at the time, by our R&D division). I’ve still not been paid, nor has the vehicle been returned. It pains me to see him still struggling with his identity. Clearly the thing about goggles hasn’t gone away, and where he’d been breathing in the smell of his swamp, a mask has now been put in place to filter out the clean oxygen particles which I believe he has an allergy towards.
CTF: Clearly you’re upset about the course of events, if you could pass a message onto TFD, what would you say?
Dr. Hansfrogmullerbacher: I would merely say the following; I’m coming for you, you twisted little nitro obsessed frog. Nobody comes to my clinic and gets away without paying. By the time I’m finished with you, it’ll be like an audition for Hostel III. Be warned frog, your days are numbered…
CTF: …yes, ok, well, thank you for that. [END OF INTERVIEW]
Editor’s note: Recently we received reports that Dr. Frogmullerbacher has been sectioned under the mental health act, not entirely surprising if you ask us…
