You Only Sing When You’re Winning
Carling Cup Second Round
West Ham United - Macclesfield Town
The Boleyn Ground is not Stamford Bridge. Seems like an obvious thing to say. But it’s dirtier, less polished, and as you come out of Upton Park tube, the differences are stark. You’re in East London now, not West. The shops sell kebabs, not kaftans; pots and pans, not pension plans.
They’re already there when you arrive. The hardcore away fans. The ones who are at every game, whether it is Carlisle away on a frozen January evening or the game of a lifetime thanks to a never-to-be-repeated Cup run. Singing their hearts out. This is the second time in the last couple of years Macclesfield Town have played top-flight opposition; last time, they lost 6-1 to Chelsea at Stamford Bridge in the 3rd round of the FA Cup. The last time they played West Ham was in 2002 - a 3-0 defeat. Moreover, their league form isn’t good. Played three; scored none; conceded eight.
Kick off comes to the strains of the old favourite. “Silkmen ’til I die, I’m Silkmen ’til I die, I know I am, I’m sure I am, I’m Silkmen ’til I die”. The ground is slightly under a third full at around 10,000. The singers are stopped in their tracks - briefly - by a Macclesfield goal. Sorry; A MACCLESFIELD GOAL. Five minutes played, and the ball’s in the back of the net. No-one seems to know quite who scored, but it doesn’t matter. A goal. A new chant is formed: “Is There Anybody Over There?” The West Ham fans are stunned. A few launch some incoherent insults, but no-one cares: our team has scored.
And then the incredible starts to pass. West Ham United, of the Premiership (”Are you Derby in disguise?”) are trailing to Division 2 Macclesfield - and can’t score despite the 72 league places between them. England hopeful Dean (”You fat bastard, you fat bastard, you fat bastard”) Ashton tries a few shots but can’t hit the target. Some spectacular saves from Silkmen keeper Jon (”England’s No.1″) Brain continue to foil the Hammers, and a couple of shots are blazed over the visitors’ bar (”That’s why you’re going down”) … and after a few somewhat dubious decisions by the officials it’s half time.
Another 20 minutes come and go. The game is more stilted; lower quality than before. The Premiership team are, you sense, starting to worry; they’ve heard about Northampton putting out Bolton yesterday. Without much to cheer on the pitch, the home fans start a vocal battle with their visitors; and how quickly tribalism arrives. The 30-foot fluorescent-jacket-studded gap becomes a fosse. The adversaries, so quickly ‘them’ and ‘us’. We are better singers, stauncher supporters, defenders of our honour against the crawling, acne-ridden, mouth-breathing, shell-suited and Elizabeth-Duked assailants. (”We’re at Upton Park and we’re one-nil up”). Can Macclesfield steal the most unlikely of victories?
A roar goes up from the opposition: “YOU’RE NOT SINGING ANY MORE.” Reality reasserts itself; Lee Bowyer scores for West Ham after 75 minutes. The singers’ valour is unquenched; proud and if anything louder. Hammers fans take up the baton: “It’s all gone quiet over there” plus their traditional anthem “Forever Blowing Bubbles”. The marshals and police seem largely amused by the retort “You can stick your bubbles up your arse.” The away team stand firm until the very last of the 90 minutes, when Izak Reid is unfairly given a second booking and makes his disconsolate way down the tunnel; but extra time is gained. 72 league places and 90 minutes have failed to split these teams who have in truth not displayed the gap in quality you might expect.
Going into extra time a man down (”We’re gonna score in a minute…”) and superior fitness levels from the Premiership team starting to show, Macclesfield fight until the end. Goalkeeper Brain is still on fine form, although the left and right backs are letting too many crosses come in, backing off the London team’s wingers rather than closing down. The inevitable happens; a Dean Ashton header is steered back across goal, and Carlton Cole takes advantage. The refereeing becomes more erratic; “How much did you pay the ref?” A third for the Hammers at the very end of the first period of extra time was well taken, if starting to flatter the home team.
The second period of extra time begins, although it’s all over bar the singing. West Ham keeper Rob Green applauds the away fans for their efforts, gaining a rousing chorus of “You’re England’s fourth best keeper; fourth best keeper, fourth best keeper”; although this does later change to “sixth best keeper”. Another goal comes for West Ham, although in truth no-one really cares. Macc fans are hanging around until the end just in case they see another goal; Hammers fans are providing the service of informing their visitors where the arranged local venues for trouble are, should they wish to continue the evening’s enjoyment by means of the Queensbury Rules: “Stand up if you want a fight.” Both tribes are in no doubt who would win; ours, of course.
West Ham 4 - Macclesfield Town 1 aet
Come into the CTF sports forum.
Tags: Carling Cup, football, Macclesfield Town, West Ham